They say when days are dark, friends are few.
Former national assembly speaker Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula is fast learning that saying to be true.
She is facing corruption and money laundering charges relating to her allegedly soliciting R4m in bribes.
Because of the charges she is facing, Nosiviwe appeared in court for her formal bail application and no other politician she had been side by side with, fighting for South Africa’s liberation, was by her side. Only Baleka Mbete, also a former speaker of the house, was there to show her support.
Baleka has also had “smallanyana skeletons” coming out and she and Nosiviwe are now serving friendship goals.
Drum speaks to an expert who explains the dynamics of friendship when one of the friends is in trouble.
Unisa’s Dr Joshua Ndlela, a student counsellor and psychologist in private practice says in order to understand said dynamics, people need to define what friendship is and understand what friendship means to you.
“Friendships should not only be about celebrating each other in good times. Friendship is also about sharing each other’s pain and alleviating stress by being supportive.
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“It is important to surround yourself with good people. This is not to say that you should clap your hands when someone is doing something wrong. You can call them out, but that does not mean that you must run away from your friends when they are in life’s valleys.”
Dr Ndlela says supporting a friend accused of a crime is not a reflection on you and your moral compass.
“Your duty is to surround yourself with people who are willing to help you learn from your mistakes. Those you spend time with have a way to shape your view of the world.
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“When one friend has been accused of a crime, their friend can be there to support them without condoning or applauding the commission of the alleged crime. You do not want a person to feel rejected just because of mistakes they have made.”
“Friendship supposedly needs to be based on principles of honesty, integrity and one should feel free to express their thoughts and feelings on various matters of life. A good friend is someone who will tell your wrongdoing in a respectful way without causing any humiliation.
“A good sign of a healthy relationship is that you feel emotionally safe with him or her, reciprocal and it has a colour to surpass each other’s differences. It is good to be with your friend during difficult times and not only when things are going well. Telling your friend about his or her wrongdoing is good for their emotional and mental health functioning.”
