It is often said that there is no formula for parenting.
But what should parents do when a teenage child announces that they are either pregnant, or that they have made someone pregnant?
Recently, social media has been abuzz after a high school girl was showing her friends print outs from her ultrasound, announcing her pregnancy to them.
This sparked a conversation about how things have changed now, and people are more open.
Unisa’s Dr Joshua Ndlela, a student counsellor who is also in private practice says teenage pregnancy is a global issue.
“It is a problem mostly in poorer and marginalised parts of the world,” he says.
“The teenage parents can pretend that they are happy, but realistically, being so young and having a baby on the way can cause major pressure to a young person’s mental health.
“Parents need to be supportive of the new parents because the reality is that they are children themselves and they are not ready to be parents.”
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He says the stigma attached to teenage pregnancy can cause shame.
“It can also cause depression, anxiety and even a low self-esteem. This is why parents need to be there for their children during this time.”
Dr Ndlela say being supportive does not mean that parents are condoning the teenage pregnancy.
“You are not supporting your child because you endorse what they have done. But you are doing it because as a parent, your role is to support your child even during difficult times.”
“As parents, we must not create more problems by rejecting our children because of the pregnancy. Rather support them.
“Even though you support them through the journey, you can still express your dissatisfaction or disappointment with their actions. But do not reject them.”
According to the World Health Organisation, every year, an estimated 21 million girls aged 15–19 years in developing regions become pregnant.
The South African stats are also just as grim.
The health department in Kwa Zulu Natal recorded 26 515 teenage pregnancies in eight months and that 1254 of the pregnancies were girls aged 10 to 14.
Mandisa Ndabula, a Rhodes University psychologist says consequence management is important.
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“Now that we are here and there is a pregnancy, the parents need to sit down with their kids and find out where they went wrong, how they got there.
“It is important to go back to the missed lessons. To talk to the child to find out what led to this point, without shaming the child because they are already humiliated. But you, parents and children, need to find out where they went wrong.
“The other thing is that parents do not have talks about sex with their children. But as uncomfortable as they can be, they have to be done.”
She says teenagers are a tricky bunch of people to understand because a lot of what they do is about bragging and they may want to brag about the pregnancy too.
“There is a thin line between accepting the pregnancy and outright flaunting it or bragging about it. This may influence other teens around them to think it’s okay. That is why consequence management is important.
“Explain to your child that now that they are pregnant or have gotten someone pregnant, 50% of the resources originally meant for them will now go to the child, or that they can no longer do they nice things they wanted like attending the matric dance because resources must now be directed to the child.”
