It's an inevitable part of being human.
Whether it's from a parent, partner, child, employer or friend, rejection stings and can be difficult to get over.
Even seemingly fabulously rich celebs – including Kelly Rowland and Taraji P Henson, whose names are listed among the most famous women in the world – have had to grapple with rejection and figure out how to not let it define them.
For singer and actress Kelly, overcoming the rejection she faced from her father was a turning point.
"Rejection sucks, especially when it's flowing through your veins," the Mea Culpa star candidly shared in an interview with Angie Martinez.
Last month, Taraji was named one of TIME magazine's Women of the Year for her impressive oeuvre, spanning more than three decades, and courage in consistently challenging pay inequality and the humiliating conditions to which black women in Hollywood have to subject themselves.
“I’m 53, and I’m getting tired,” the prolific actress says in the interview, explaining the toll being low-balled as a black actress has had on her.
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She even started her own entrepreneurial endeavours to lift some of the financial pressures that she faces as an Oscar- and Emmy-nominated actress.
Recently, the actress who in 2017 with the cast of true-life story Hidden Figures won a Screen Actors Guild award broke down when asked if she would considering quitting acting.
"The math ain't mathing," Taraji responded during the Gayle King Sirius XM radio discussion that went viral online in January.
Even so, quitting after constant rejection is not always a real option for many people for various reasons including:
- Age of majority;
- Illness/and or disability;
- Lack of financial independence;
- Fear of the unknown;
- Diminishing self-confidence;
- Being a bread winner, and/or
- Black tax,
Taraji can relate with the South Africanism "black tax".
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“One of the things with Taraji is that she is the breadwinner of her family," Jada Pinkett Smith recently told NPR’s It’s Been a Minute when asked if she could relate to Taraji's frustration and deep sense of rejection by Hollywood.
“Her pressures would be different than mine. I have to put that out front, because if it’s time to walk away, that’s not always the solution.”
So how does one cope with the feeling of not being wanted?
“It’s important to realise you might feel depleted, angry and even anxious because of the experience of being rejected,” according to Joburg clinical psychologist Tyrone Edgar.
“The emotions that come with rejection aren’t problematic. It’s how you respond to these emotions that can cause problems.”
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The cognitive behavioural therapy expert presents a few scenarios and health ways of responding to rejection in these types of instances.
- A FRIEND NO LONGER HAS TIME FOR YOU
A friend who dropped you like a hot potato probably isn’t worth your time anyway and it would be best to move right along, Tyrone advises.
“If you’re in a friendship where you’re consistently feeling rejected and put down, then maybe it’s a good idea to stay away from the friendship.”
GET ANSWERS!
But don’t simply walk away.
For your own sanity confront your friend and clear the air.
“If your friend has rejected you ‘out of the blue’ then maybe what’s required is more information about why this happened so suddenly. It could be just a simple misunderstanding.”
- YOU SHOOT YOUR SHOOT AND YOUR CRUSH SAYS, 'NO, THANKS'
“Research tells us that when a person feels romantically rejected they experience withdrawal symptoms along with a drop in dopamine (the feel-good hormone).
“So you’ll feel sad and struggle to enjoy things for a while after a romantic rejection,” Tyrone explains.
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GET OUT THERE!
“Don’t isolate yourself or stop visiting friends because you might encounter the person who rejected you.
“The more you engage with your friends and get caught up in interacting with them, the more you’ll start to feel better.”
- THE NEW PEOPLE IN YOUR DIVORCED PARENT'S LIFE SEEM TO MATTER MORE THAN YOU
Acknowledge how you feel, Tyrone advises.
“You might want to act in a way that sends the message ‘everything is fine’, when actually it’s not.
“This response might keep the peace at first, but after a while you might not only feel anxious about your relationship with your parent but also angry that they haven’t picked up how hurt you are.”
GET TALKING!
Tyrone suggests discussing your emotions with your parent.
If you feel you can’t do that, find a trusted friend or a counsellor/therapist to speak to.
Additional reporting by Lindsay de Freitas
