A BACKGROUND check is critical before starting a relationship.
That’s according to Dr Toyi Mthembu, who has a PhD in community development and administration and is a spiritual therapist and founder of Qhudeni Skills Development.
Opening up about the physical and emotional abuse in her past marriage, she said it was important to consider a person’s background before getting into a relationship.
She said she had to duck fists and appliances whenever her ex-husband was drunk.
“One night, he hit me on the hip with a cricket bat.
“I still suffer pain.”
Toyi said she was madly in love when she got married in 1995, but it turned sour after six months.
She said she didn’t want to leave her hubby because she feared being seen as a failure in her community.
“We were both working, but I was the only one maintaining our household. I paid for everything, while he used to spend his salary on booze and gambling,” she said.
“He would come home in the early hours of the morning very drunk and start fights.
“He hit me and even tried to strangle me in my sleep for no reason. He told me I was useless, low-class and no other man would be attracted to me. I believed God hated divorce.”
When her husband went missing for nearly two years in 2013, Toyi moved from KZN to Gauteng to stay with her sister.
After she tracked him down, she filed for divorce.
“One morning, I received a call from the hospital. I found him in a coma. He had been badly assaulted and later died in hospital,” she said.
She went on to publish a book about her abuse, titled From the Frying Pan To A Fireand has since written 14 books.
Toyi is not only an abuse survivor, but also had to battle cancer while dealing with the loss of her sisters and mum.
