You keep replaying your last moments over and over. The loss of a loved one is never easy and grief comes in waves.
Now that the holidays have begun, it is a reminder that they won’t be there to celebrate the festive or enter into the new year and that can have you dreading the what’s supposed to be joyous holidays.
You might be feeling a sense of loss and a sting in your heart as you approach your year of firsts without them.
Death is inevitable and somehow hard to make sense of but counselling psychologist Dr Joshua Ndlela tells us that there is nothing wrong with feeling like this as it is part of the process of losing someone you love.
“Holiday season is the time of manufacturing memories with families and friends but to some, it is the time of experiencing stress and vulnerability. Some will be experiencing the current season without their loved ones for the first time, and this invoke wounds of emotions,” the counselling psychologist says.
READ MORE | Lynn Forbes on setting Kairo up for her future – ‘We have to support her in building her own legacy’
As people gear up to cook up a feast and spend time with family, Dr Joshua says, “The holidays can bring up very difficult memories of the old times and there is nothing you can change on what others do, but to do things differently. The truth is you loved these people deeply and you shall be fragile too.”
According to Psychology today, you need to give yourself grace to feel whatever you’re feeling. Moving on can be daunting.
“There is nothing wrong with you finding new way of doing things. Normally families will have their old holiday traditions of doing things, but you do not have to feel ashamed of avoiding experiencing and remembering the so-called dark times and ages. One can create a new way and embrace the person who died in a different way. That way you are dealing with your grief and part of healing too,” he says.
READ MORE | Fans comfort grieving Nadia Nakai - 'Take it one day at a time'
Though people handle grief differently, being with family members who understand how you feel and not feeling guilty that you are 'moving on' can help.
People celebrate holidays differently, whether keeping traditions of gifting each other Christmas presents or generally spending time with friends and chosen family. Dr Joshua advises you avoid being absorbed into an emotional trap.
He says, “I am aware that some will remember days of receiving gifts from those who have passed on during this season, please take note that the reality is not the same and avoid absorbing the emotional trap. Live according to your space.”
