Ever heard of the term “orgasm gap”?
Well, according to Professor Laurie Mintz, author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters – And How to Get It, this simply means that women in heterosexual relationships experience fewer orgasms than men.
But, why is this so, especially when we pride ourselves on living in a sexually liberated age that “supposedly” allows us to never shy away from chasing our ultimate sexual pleasure?
In her conversation with NBC News BETTER, Prof Mintz not only blames this on what she calls the “inequality in the bedroom” depicted in media images, and the cultural overprivilege of male sexuality over that of females, but also on our cultural ignorance of the clitoris.
Dr Larisse Badenhorst, a sexual health expert at My Sexual Health, agrees on the importance of clitoral stimulation in your pursuit of reaching a climax.
Be clit-literate
“Ninety percent of men usually always orgasm during sex as compared with only 60% of women,” Dr Badenhorst explains.
“This disparity is due to lack of clitoral stimulation, an important part of the sexual act that can guarantee an orgasm for most women.” Jade Zwane, author of aDICKted: Notes of a Sex Fiend, adds that the clitoris has 8 000 nerve endings, double the number of those in a penis — making it the powerhouse of pleasure.
“Stimulating this most sensual organ during foreplay and penetration will definitely increase your likelihood of reaching an orgasm,” Zwane says.
The problem, however, is that most women are out of sync with their bodies and don’t even know where this sensual organ is situated.
“If you intend to keep chasing after orgasms, then now is the time to whip out your mirror, have a look and start understanding the pleasures that come with the clit,” Dr Badenhorst adds.
She explains that sex has changed a lot.
“In the past, it was all about the reproductive economy and, for many, a marital duty. Today, sex is about pleasure and connectedness, and an orgasm is believed to be the ultimate reward of having sex.” Zwane says, “although it is short-lived, it feels great and releases feel-good hormones – and that’s why you see so many more people on this sexual chase.”
However, understanding your body and its pleasure points remains crucial in experiencing your maximum sexual high, she insists. “This can indeed lead to immense gratification.”
Get to know your body
Dr Badenhorst states that the key to reaching your ultimate peak is not necessarily masturbation, but driven more by knowing your body.
Zwane agrees: “When masturbating, we not only give ourselves pleasure, but we also learn a great deal about what turns us on and gets us off. Once you discover your rhythm and pleasure pressures through the art of masturbation, it becomes easier to communicate and empower your partner to help co-create your orgasmic sensation.”
She adds that your partner’s desire should be to meet your needs while you meet theirs. “We are all different, and what makes a great lover and partner, is someone who is willing to learn the crucial pleasure points that get their partner turned on. That leads to a more synched-up sexual experience.”
So, what is Zwane’s advice for masturbation rookies? She says that the best way to start exploring your body is during bath time.
“You are already naked, and the water adds to the wetness of things. Start by using your fingers and play with yourself in the shower or bath. Touch, stroke and squeeze the areas where it feels good,” she adds.
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Better with age?
“It is believed that the older women get, the more sexually experienced and confident they become between the sheets,” Dr Badenhorst says.
Most women start to find their sensual voice along their sexual journey – from experiences and experiments that allow them to start speaking up about how they would like to be pleasured, she adds.
“Growing older means that we have had more opportunities to explore and appreciate sex for its physical pleasure. Knowing ourselves both mentally and physically is the key to great sex. And, these two emotions seem to get more and more in sync with age,” Zwane shares.
Dr Badenhorst adds that age also brings long-term relationships, coupled with trust in intimacy, which allows women to relax and embrace the experience even more.
The pursuit of sexual desire
So, now that you understand the importance of being in sync with your body, and the orgasmic explosion that your powerhouse organ, the clit, can bring you – what other sure-fire ways can help take you from a mere state of arousal to your ultimate sexual peak?
Our two experts share a few guidelines to help you develop your full orgasmic potential:
1. Never underestimate the significance of emotional play. Sex cannot just be penetration and orgasm. For women, it’s more about the intimacy, connection and bond as partners – factors that play a big role in sexual arousal.
2. Be present in the moment. Focusing on every sensation — from a trickle of sweat to the rate of your breathing, will help you reach sexual pleasure.
3. The art of touch and seduction. For an enhanced sexual experience women need to be touched, kissed and seduced, as these sensations heighten their pleasure pressures.
4. Foreplay is king. It helps the clitoris fulfil its ‘O’ so important role. Lastly, remember that: “Having an orgasm is all about surrendering yourself to the feeling. Let go and give control to the experience – only then will an orgasm take place as a pleasurable experience,” Dr Badenhorst concludes. May it rain bucket-loads of orgasms in your life!
- Female ejaculation does not always equate to an orgasm, but
it does feel awesome.
- It is very seldom that you reach orgasm with just penetration, so as the sole receptacle of female pleasure, clitoral stimulation is crucial.
- An average orgasm lasts for about two minutes.
- Orgasms are the new aspirin. There is evidence that orgasms have “pain relief” as an effect and can assist with severe headaches, general muscular pain and migraine. They are also a great stress reliever.
- Multiple orgasms are real. Orgasms are the individual’s responsibility. If you want something done right, then you are best at doing it yourself. Once you know your body and where to touch and be touched, the greater the chances of experiencing an orgasm.
