When you meet someone new who gives you that all-too familiar butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling, it’s easy to want to jump right into a relationship with them to keep that high.
But what might – or might not – be common knowledge is to ensure that you get to know your potential suitor as much as you can before intertwining your lives.
This is where the ‘talking stage’ comes in.
Getting to know as much as you can about the person you’ve got your eyes set on before committing to a full-blown relationship is the exact purpose of the talking stage, whether you agree with it or not.
As many might know, not all relationships start with the classic rom-com-esque meet cute that transitions to this talking or courting stage. Some begin as hook-ups and progress to dating.
It’s the progress part in particular that one needs to pay attention to when engaging with a potential boo. It’s also key to remember not to sacrifice any of your values or standards in a relationship just to keep the talking stage alive. It can’t go on forever.
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When you’re in the beginning stages of getting to know your person, both physical and emotional chemistry is at the forefront. This is what licensed clinical social worker Robert Taibbi explains as the oxytocin stage.
Here's how the talking stage can benefit a potential relationship.
Spotting the red flags
The dangers of making any rash decisions about your dating life while still in the honeymoon stage is that those high emotions can have you turning a blind eye to any red flags you might encounter with your potential partner.
Roberts shares, “You don’t bring up that he was late or that she tends to dominate the dinner conversations even though it bothers you. Physical distance keeps the potential emotional conflict at bay. You bite your tongue and by the time the next weekend rolls around your irritation has receded.”
Getting on the same page
When you’re still just getting to know someone and it’s getting to the part where you both enjoy each other’s company enough to the point of a romantic connection, getting on the same page when it comes to how exclusive your budding relationship is.
Especially in 2024, where the 21st century courtship vernacular continues to change and evolve with different meanings.
Seeing each other is different from vibing with someone and dating someone is certainly different from being in a casual hook-up relationship or ‘situationship’.
While it may feel slightly uncomfortable, it’s never too early to have that all-important conversation laying out your expectations on what you both hope to see this relationship turn into or what you’re ready for, whether it’s casual or not.
Figure out attachment styles
Dating can be fun and exhilarating, especially when introducing someone new into your routine.
Taking note of your attachment style is an important part of determining where you want this potential relationship to go, making the talking stage that much more relevant.
Today’s dating scene is quite fickle, with many using their time entertaining different people at one time. Without having that all too important conversation, it’s easy to get hurt when one person is spending their time solely nurturing the potential relationship while the other is actively seeing other people.
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Licensed psychologist Hal Shorey explains the different types of attachment styles, which can help you know yourself better and manage your expectations.
“If you have a secure style, you probably feel fairly confident in your being lovable and that other people will want to be around you. You also are not likely to be overly concerned with being rejected. After all, there are lots of people out there to date and from your experience, there has never been a short supply of love in the world. So, if a new dating partner was seeing other people, you might just choose not to invest too much in this person or just keep dating them to see if anything comes of it … no pressure.”
On the other side of the coin, dating someone who is seeing multiple people simultaneously can be challenging for anyone but it may be especially difficult for someone with an anxious attachment style.
“If you have a dismissing or avoidant style, you might not care that much if someone you are interested in is dating multiple people. You also might prefer to date multiple people initially. That way you can have lots of affection and fun and sex, and not have to worry about all the messiness of an intimate relationship. But even dismissing people who want to have their cake and eat it too can get jealous and possessive of romantic interests,” Hall says.
