- If you and your partner decide to share finances, a sit-down once a year at the very least to discuss expenses is important.
- Businesswoman Danielle Steynvaardt shares how she navigates between being a big spender and her husband who is more frugal.
- In the event of a split where kids are involved, respect and communication is vital.
Money is often one of the biggest reasons why couples split up the world over.
Getting on the same page regarding your finances – preferably before signing on the dotted line in front of the marriage officiant – couldn’t be more important.
This week, 18 to 24 March 2024, is observed as Global Money Week and what better time than now to get into the challenges that come with aligning your finances with the person you hope to spend the rest of your life with.
Merging or aligning finances with your partner is a monumental step that needs heavy consideration and discussion before doing so.
That’s why TRUELOVE spoke with businesswoman Danielle Steynvaardt about how she and her husband of 11 years Juan-Pierre ‘JP’ Steynvaardt went about working together on their finances and avoided conflict.
Let’s talk about money
It goes without saying that communication is key to a successful and lasting relationship. When it comes to discussing finances, this couldn’t be emphasised more.
Talking about money is important and according to Danielle, not having that sometimes-uncomfortable conversation will catch up with you sooner or later in your relationship.
It can be difficult to disclose to your partner just how much debt your retail therapy resulted in, or that your fantasy football league is something you’ve been forking out money for.
Speaking on the kinds of challenges she and JP had to overcome when it comes to the money conversation, Danielle lays it bare.
“In the beginning we weren’t necessarily open about our expenses, especially our debt, and we didn’t put all of that on the table from the get-go. But as time went by, we realised that that was the most important step, being really open and transparent about what is going on in your finances.”
Both you and your partner come from different upbringings and backgrounds and that can easily affect your relationship with spending.
Danielle delves into this by saying, “Another difficult thing for us was that we had to – I’m a spender and JP wasn’t necessarily the biggest spender. So, to be able to go, okay wait, I need to slow down on the spending and I need to respect him when he says, ‘Okay woah, we can’t buy that right now’, and to realise that it’s not coming from a place of trying to control me but coming from a place that he only wants the best for our marriage financially.”
READ MORE | What type of spender are you? Tips to get you to achieve your financial goals
How to divide expenses
Each relationship is different. One might earn more than the other or one might believe they should be taking on living expenses while the other does leisure.
However, sitting together at least once a year to decide how to divide expenses or who will take care of what is something that needs to be done.
Danielle shares that her and JP put their finances together when they got married and created a separate account for their expenses.
“When we got married, we actually put all of our finances together and we did the same with the expenses,” she explains.
“So, it wasn’t about who was paying which expense, it was more about we as a collective knew that these were the expenses that we had and so our salaries would go into one account, and we had a separate account for our expenses, and we would just transfer money into that account and the expenses would go off.”
When kids are involved
As much as being an adult comes with a mountain of responsibilities – not to mention if you have children – setting aside some leisure money in your budget will help keep you balanced and sane in the ups and downs of daily living.
Danielle supports this by saying, “I think a table sit is quite necessary once a year where you can go, ‘Okay, listen, I want to take up a new hobby, this is the expense it’s going to bring into our life’. Or also to be able to go like … Zinzi for instance – our child – is now in a new season in her life, so her expenses might be growing a little bit and then discussing those expenses beforehand.
“Especially I think it’s easy to prioritse your child’s expenses above your own but to be able to have a little bit of space to fill your own bucket. To say this is what I want to do for fun, this is what we have to pay because we have to pay it and then to set them out accordingly.”
In the unfortunate instance of a separation and you both need to stay in each other’s lives for the sake of any children involved, respect and communication goes a long way.
READ MORE | 5 money tips for single mothers co-parenting with unreliable partners
“Put all of the expenses down and have a loophole for those expenses that aren’t necessarily there every single month, but you have some leniency towards those expenses,” Danielle advises.
“[It] might be a camping trip, might be a small fee to wear civvies to school, might be a very special friend’s birthday, but to have a little bit more money put aside for those moments. I think it’s also important to just respect one another – and this is more than just financially, this is also emotionally. To respect where that person is in that season of their life and to be able to help out where you can.”
