For many men, the idea of someone touching their prostate (you know, that walnut-sized gland between the bladder and the penis) sounds about as appealing as getting a root canal.
But for other men – both straight and gay – exploring the prostate can bring new heights of sexual excitement and pleasure.
It’s so pleasurable, in fact, that some sexual health experts have dubbed the prostate the “male G-spot”.
“The ‘male G-spot’ is the prostate and it’s about two inches in the rectum toward the belly,” explains Susan Milstein, PhD, a sex educator and professor in the Department of Health Enhancement, Exercise Science and Physical Education at the Rockville Campus of Montgomery College in Maryland.
That’s because the prostate contains a ton of nerve endings (in fact, there are almost as many nerve endings in the prostate as there are in the clitoris).
“It really can open up a whole new avenue of pleasure for men if they are willing to try it,” adds Milstein.
In fact, while many men are wary of anal stimulation, sales of prostate massagers have been on the rise in recent years.
According to data from the pleasure product company HealthyAndActive, prostate massager sales have increased by 56% over the past five years, particularly among straight men over the age of 45.
Men can even have prostate orgasms without stimulation to the penis.
“The orgasm from your prostate is a full body orgasm, and you feel a tingly sensation all over. This is opposed to the more isolated and direct pleasure from a regular orgasm through masturbation or penetration. In general, a prostate orgasm requires more time to warm up and more energy. But it’s totally worth it,” says Chris* (last name has been withheld for privacy reasons), a sex educator at The Pleasure Chest in Los Angeles.
Read more: I’m 35 and my orgasms seem less intense. Can I reverse this?
In order to ensure a comfortable and safe prostate massage experience, it’s important to follow these steps.
1. Be prepared
If you’re trying a prostate massage by yourself, make sure your hands are clean. (If you’re trying it with a partner, check their digits for any hangnails.)
Perhaps most importantly, “always use lube, as the anus does not self-lubricate. If putting something in your rectum hurts, slow down and add more lube,” says Chris.
He recommends a syringe-like applicator called a lube shooter if you’re uncomfortable applying lube with your fingers.
2. Take baby steps
Before going in, start with a gentle external massage on your perineum (also known as your grundle or taint), which is located between the testicles and anus.
“Take some time on your own to get to know your body. Lay on your back with your butt under a pillow, tilting your hips up for easy access. Start with massaging your perineum with your hand or fingers. Apply lube to your finger and rub your anus externally to stimulate the nerve endings,” says Chris.
Read more: I went to a hands-on female orgasm class. Here’s what happened
3. Explore internal stimulation
If the external massage feels good, curve your (at this point, lubed-up) finger into your rectum towards your belly button.
“Two or so inches in, you should be able to feel your prostate,” says Chris.
It’s important to note that you really don’t have to go much further than that, particularly on your first try.
“People think you need to shove a whole hand up there, but that’s not how it works,” says Milstein. “Insert one finger a few inches into your anus and push up toward the rear. Wiggle it around a bit, tap the inner walls and apply different amounts of pressure to see what feels good to you.”
4. Try a prostate massager
Before exploring prostate massagers, you might want to start with a butt plug to get used to the idea. Proper prostate massagers are designed differently in order to reach the male G-spot – the prostate.
“You always want to buy one with a tail or a wide base that it doesn’t get lost up there. You don’t want to end up in the ‘Butt Bin’ at the ER where they keep objects found in people’s rectums,” jokes Milstein.
(That said, if you’re interested, here are 5 surprisingly common penis injuries that can land you in the ER.)