We all knew this time would come. Your complex security guard is wondering why the food delivery guy is frequenting your flat less often, we now have to think twice before mindlessly swiping our cards or shopping online, and Veganuary suddenly seems like a tantalising idea – moneywise.
There are those who are comfortable with spending more in December only to have a leaner January. Others, who are more financially savvy, are now finding themselves being the friend or family member to turn to for school fees, splitting the bill evenly or stationery, however. The question is, which friend or family member are you?
THE CELEBRATOR
Your friend is starting a new job in February and she wants to celebrate. She made her weight loss target this month – time to celebrate. Her dog just had puppies. You guessed it, she wants to celebrate.
With this friend, every occasion calls for a bottle of bubbly at some trendy new spot. And every time your budget takes a knock. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating both big and small achievements in life, but not every celebration should make a dent in your budget.
Either politely decline the more frivolous events or suggest these celebrations take place at someone’s home, where each guest brings something to make it more affordable.
THE PHILANTHROPIST
There's always a new cause with this one, whether it's to the church, an animal shelter that's about to close or anyone who comes to them with a heartbreaking story. They have a heart of gold and are motivated by helping others, but don’t let philanthropic friends or family pressurise you into giving.
There’s nothing wrong with donating to the needy, but your giving is your business and shouldn’t be done to get the approval of others. “We give because it feels good,” says Cape Town-based clinical psychologist Yoav van der Heyden, adding that guilt and social pressure are often the main reasons people give to charity.
He advises thinking carefully about what you’re giving, to whom and why. “Try not to rush into decisions about giving as you’re often guided by emotions you may not agree with rationally.
”If your philanthropic friend wants to donate a few thousand rand to a worthy cause, that’s fine. But don’t dig holes in your pocket to keep up or make your friend think better of you."
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THE LEECH
Possibly the worst of all the types. This person borrows money so frequently you start thinking you might as well include an allocation for them in your budget.
Well, don’t. That thinking is the reason it’s become a problem. You wanted to help, and because you allowed it before it’s made it easier for them to ask again. The best thing to do is to simply tell the person that their repeated borrowing (and questionable payback habit) can’t happen anymore. It doesn’t need to be confrontational – simply say it in as matter-of-fact a way as possible, pointing out that you have a budget you need to stick to.
If you’re worried it’s going to turn into a confrontation because of the type of person you’re dealing with, simply say you don’t have the disposable income available. That wouldn’t be a lie – in today’s economic climate, who has loads of disposable income?
Besides, it’s your money – you worked hard for it and it’s your decision how you want to spend it.
THE SPENDING ENABLER
This is the friend you can’t take along on a shopping expedition because taking her anywhere money can be spent is a risk. You simply need to pop out to buy milk and bread, but if she comes along you end up with a huge slab of chocolate, a bag of muffins, and that beautiful notebook that caught your eye last time you were there (it was marked down after all).
Need a pair of shoes for a wedding you’re going to? Take the spending enabler along and you’ll end up with a new dress and a bag as well. Why? Because she convinced you that you’d look oh-so fabulous in it. The solution is simple – don’t take her shopping with you again.
THE AWFUL ENTREPRENEUR
You have to admit, your cousin often has really cool business ideas. The only problem is, they’re simply not feasible.
These are the people who tell you it takes money to make money. Well, yes, but it doesn’t have to be yours. Don’t get dragged into investing in someone’s business idea simply because you don’t want to rain on his parade. There’s nothing wrong with being the voice of reason.
If you’re concerned about crushing the person’s spirit, simply say that you’d like to be supportive but you don’t have the money, and suggest they approach outside investors with their ideas.
THE EXTRAVAGANT GIFT-GIVER
Every time your birthday rolls around, the gifts get more expensive. And it’s difficult because they’re from your sister. She knew how much you wanted that Chanel perfume, and she got it for you. So what do you get for her when your budget for gifts doesn’t allow you to spoil her in the same way?
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The problem doesn’t lie with her – it lies with you. You need to accept that you can’t afford to match her expensive gifts and learn to shake off the feelings of guilt and shame this evokes in you. Some extravagant gift-givers don’t even expect gifts of the same value in return.
“Some people actually hope they receive less,” Yoav explains, “because giving feels great – it feels better than receiving." It really is the thought that counts.
THE EARLY ADOPTER
They’re always the first in line to buy the latest gadget, which tends to elicit some good old envy . . . But why do you feel pressurised to keep up with them?
Yoav suggests acknowledging the feeling of envy, but not necessarily acting on it. Take note of what you’re feeling and think about why, he says, rather than simply reacting to your emotions.
“It helps to notice the discomfort in such situations and to learn to accept that feeling without having to act on it. Emotions are alarms, not commands.” Stop buying to keep up. Shop within your price range.
Your purse will thank you later.
This "soft life" can be expensive. A delicious, reasonably priced burger at a local restaurant just won’t do for these fancy friends. Nope, with them it’s “go big or go home!”
But their love of the finer things in life will spell the death of your budget if you allow them to reel you into their extravagant spending. Why do you let them?
It happens because we don’t want to feel “out”, says Cape Town-based clinical psychologist Yoav van der Heyden. “Our brains have evolved within a social context – we’re social animals – and we therefore respond, without even being aware of it, to competitive, subjugating or levelling situations. So in the case of the ‘big spender’ friend, the underlying desire to fit in and be equal overrides rationality.”
But that’s no reason to compromise on your budget. If you don’t have the money to splurge simply be honest about it. January is a long, looooong month after all.
Sources: wisebread.com, huffingtonpost.com, businessinsider.com
