Every time I engage with social media, I'm bombarded by content creators proclaiming, "This is how to step into your feminine energy. You don't step into femininity; you become it. Wear more dresses, put on more lipstick. You're doing it all wrong."
Such messages leave me in a whirlwind of confusion, questioning my own femininity.
Growing up as the only girl in a household of boys, I naturally adopted their mannerisms and preferences. It wasn't until the onset of puberty at 11 that I began to recognise the differences between myself and my brothers.
For years, I found solace in the comfort of my brothers' hoodies, eschewing dresses and skirts for more comfortable attire.
It was only during high school that I started to embrace my femininity, as my body developed and I caught the attention of a few boys.
My mother, in her wisdom, constantly reminded me of my femininity, buying me heels that I wore with pride and introducing me to the ritual of monthly hair appointments.
My family's women reinforced my distinctiveness from my brothers, despite my desires to emulate them.
As I aged, my style and fashion sense underwent numerous transformations. There was a phase where I embraced a hippie artist persona, donning baggy clothes, abstaining from makeup, and rocking free-form dreadlocks.
It wasn't until I reached 23 that I began to take an interest in skincare, appearance, and makeup, marking the beginning of my journey into womanhood.
However, I soon realised that these external changes did not inherently imbue me with femininity.
My independence and desire for control, coupled with my propensity to give more than receive, seemed to align more with masculine traits.
This realisation became more pronounced in my relationship, where my proactive nature led my boyfriend to plea for me to embrace a more laid back role which would allow me to receive from him.
I've come to understand that femininity is about embracing one's softness, nurturing nature, and the ability to let of the need to be in control all the time.
As someone that's prone to overthinking, this has been a challenging lesson.
I'm learning to be more vulnerable, to connect with others from the heart, and to nurture my relationships with care and positive affirmation.
Despite my efforts, the path to true femininity remains elusive, clouded by the myriad of opinions and definitions found online. I've concluded that femininity cannot be defined by external standards but should be an expression of one's authentic self.
It's about being soft yet powerful, nurturing yet firm, and loving without naivety.
Embracing one's essence, flaws included, and experiencing emotions deeply are key to this journey.
Femininity, to me, means loving freely, being as girly or laid-back as I please, and aligning with my spiritual beliefs.
It's about silencing the external noise to listen to my inner child, allowing her to join me in stepping into womanhood.
