Today, she releases her song Ngzok'nik'uthando which is about showing gratitude for her life and appreciation to those that love her unconditionally.
Singer and songwriter Rethabile Khumalo is grateful to be alive after attempting suicide two years ago. Opening up to Drum, the Umlilo singer describes how she went through an emotional breakdown that led her to almost taking her life.
“It’s only now that I am getting the courage to open up about what happened to me. I was scared to speak up because people would think I am seeking attention. I needed to deal with myself first and know I am in a good place,” Rethabile tells Drum.
“It has been really tough. Many people have asked about the scar on my face, some assumed I was in an abusive relationship or got into a fight, but it all happened at a tough time in my life. I was unhappy and in a very dark space in my life.” she says.
“So with this song, I wanted to clear the air and tell people my story. Other people are going through even more than what I went through. I want to give them the courage to know and understand that no matter what they're going through in life, they will be okay, just hold on. You will not struggle forever.”
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At the time, Rethabile felt that suicide was the only option. “I was in pain and one day, I just woke up and went to the freeway and jumped into the fastest moving car,” she says.
“The freeway is not that far from my house. I waited for the fastest car and went for it. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences or repercussions of what would happen to me or even the person driving the car. What if the person in the car wasn’t wearing a seat belt or what if it was a pregnant woman? I am grateful it didn’t get that far. The car was messed up and the guy was not injured. I fixed the car and the case was sorted and everything is good.”
She wants to share her story so the next person does not go through the same thing.
“I want people to know that had I given up on my life, I wouldn’t have been where I am today. I wouldn’t have performed at the recent Basadi Awards, I wouldn’t have been nominated. This experience made me realise that just because you are going through something, suicide should not be an option or even a thought,” she says.
“We hurt people we love because all we see is the pain we are going through. Imagine the pain I put my mom through, having survived. She would not be okay had I not made it out alive and I am so grateful."
Rethabile says there’s a misconception that when one is famous or seen on tv “they have it all under control”.
“But, no we don’t. At that moment I didn’t care about anything else. And when I woke up in the hospital, I asked why am I still here? But then realised that my purpose on this earth is not yet done. I am still needed and God said, I am not going anywhere until he is done with me.”
After the accident, she never thought she would get her looks back.
“The scar is still there but it's not as bad as it was before. Here I am, dropping new music and I am a living testimony.”
Rethabile has been going to therapy but found that mostly expressing herself through music has been healing.
“Every time I write is a form of therapy. I know no matter what happens, as long as you still have people that love you, you can overcome anything.”
Rethabile plans to visit people in hospitals.
“Being injured on the face can really dent one's self-esteem and confidence. Your face is your identity.
"Once it is damaged or bruised, it requires a lot. I want to help people by sharing my story and working on my depression every day," she says.
