She thought everything was done according to tradition and she was fully married to the love of her life, the late rapper HHP.
But when he died, Lerato Sengadi did not just lose a husband, but a son, a home, valued possessions and even her two dogs.
Sharing her story of having to go to court to choose where her husband should be buried and not having a place to sit at his funeral was hell for her, she tells Drum, but she knew that there is a reason bigger than her for her to go through such a traumatic experience.
She had a family, and two beautiful dogs. Then when HHP passed on in 2018, she discovered she had nothing when she found out that she was kicked out of her house the day her husband died, says Lerato.
At that moment she had a lot of questions, she remembers. These were the kind of stories other married women told about what happened when their husbands dies. Lerato at the age of 34 never imagined this would be her story too.
Given her own and HHP's fame, the fight with her in-laws soon became public. She says it wasn't something she'd wanted but it was necessary because now there are so many women who know that you do not need to sit back when it is time to fight because it has to stop somewhere.
“I am going to the Constitutional Court to ensure that to any other female. Because of my case, Checkers has a lobola form that you can buy and make sure that during your negotiations there is a full checklist and it is an essential value of the contract,” she says.
Read more | Lerato Sengadi is HHP’s customary wife – what will she get?
“The case has been going on for the past three years. With lockdown, we couldn’t proceed with the court case and now they are taking me to the ConCourt and I am, like, 'Great!' I have won at the Supreme Court of Appeal, but they still want to fight the two rulings of the two courts and their last stop, the only place that they can do that, is the ConCourt.”
She says this is bigger than her, and she hasn’t seen her stepson ever since the day his dad died. "We lived in the same home, we co-raised him. It is painful, but you know what? We’ll find each other – that's a definite. I know his father will make it happen," she says.
“They are taking me there because they are trying to [make my marriage] null and void. I [allegedly] didn’t get married which has been their whole thing, therefore I can’t work on my husband’s legacy, I can’t live in our home because I am not his wife.
"But I got traditionally married which is more important to me than a white wedding. Because it is the coming together of two people, two families, ancestors, for me, it was very deep and important,” she says.
She feels like the legal fight has taken a lot from her, but she's willing to see it through to the end. The battle has been tough on her mental health too, says Lerato, adding sometimes she doesn’t want to leave her bed and she cries till her lashes come off. Sometimes she can’t bring herself to eat or she'll overdrink alcohol. But then sometimes she wakes up and just feels fabulous.
“Surviving the path that God has made and already paved for me, there is nothing I can do to escape my journey and my destiny," she reflects.
"I have learned that life is short. I didn’t think I’ll be a widow and lose the love of my life at 34. I didn’t think I’d lose everything that I held dear to me. Why, having learned all of that, will I not want to live life every day?
"Do I still hope to have kids? Yes. Do I still want to be married again? Yes."
Speaking of her mother who passed on last year, Lerato says, "I think my fighting spirit comes from my mom.
"But I think the real source is my grandmother. Her name was also Mantwa so it is like a reincarnation of some sort.
“For me it is like if you have to fight for something, then fight for it. If you feel like you’ve been wronged, do something about it. By doing this to me, you are doing it to the entire family and that’s not cool.”
She says healing is different every day. "Sometimes you feel like you’re spiralling. But then I remember that I am still here and there is a reason why I am still here – a reason bigger than me."
Lerato says she just views herself as a survivor who is still surviving. Every day she chooses to survive, especially when dealing with grief and loss.
