She was told men are dogs. If he comes home late at night, ask no questions.
Things happen in marriage and women must bekezela, she kept hearing. But it just didn't make sense to her.
All the advice she received could have scared her off marriage, but she forged ahead and said 'I do' to the love of her life. And years later, she hasn't had to live out the advice given to her.
Every time she thought back to that advice, she realised there was a gap in what women were taught and told ahead of getting married. In this case, necessity became the mother of invention.
While preparing to get married, Puleng March says she received a lot of advice that did not sit well with her.
“At my bridal shower and other gatherings, people used to scare me. They would say things like men are dogs or that you must never ask a man about his whereabouts or where he comes from.
“I really was not comfortable with the things some people were saying. I was not marrying a dog, I was marrying a man and a man of God at that. So I was concerned because I felt like did not have a solid foundation on how to be a makoti. I needed someone to teach me how to be a wife. I felt there was a huge gap."
This then gave birth to Makoti Enkosini, Puleng’s brainchild.
“About six years into my marriage, I started Makoti Enkosini. It really was to empower young women starting their journeys as oo makoti. Just like how I, as a new bride, wanted to know what the word of God said about how I should be a wife, I wanted to empower other young women too.”
This year, Makoti Enkosini celebrates 10 years of existence and Puleng could not be happier.
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“I have learnt so much through this ministry. We try to get expert speakers on different topics such as wellness, finances and so on. We have women who share their stories and their marriage journeys and we learn.
“People talk about ukubekezela. But through Makoti Enkosini, we learn what to bekezela and what not to bekezela. I have learned that sometimes the people who give us advice are doing so out of their experiences, not that it’s a true reflection of marriage, only what they experienced. I would say people must be careful who they take advice from.”
She says even though they talk about different topics, it is all experts who also include the word of God. Like they have use a financial advisor who is also a pastor’s wife. So when she speaks, she not only speaks as a professional, but she also includes the word.
“The Bible is our manual and guide. We get taught how to be wholesome women who excel in different areas of our lives. We are able to conquer in our workspaces and in our homes as well.
“Another thing that is very important is that we should not let our positions at work get to our heads. We should not forget our positions in our homes. We do not stop submitting to our husband because of whatever statuses we hold.
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“You cannot be a CEO or celebrity at home. At home there is no Puleng March, there I am mommy or Rato. Puleng March o le, ko straateng (Puleng is out there, in the street). There is just so much to learn. There is so much power when women gather, with one common purpose of uplifting each other. We share life lessons, and we pray together.”
They try to have at least three functions a year, where women can gather and leave empowered.
To celebrate their 10-year anniversary, they will be going to different cities around the country.
“Not everyone can get to Joburg, so we will also be going to Kimberley and Welkom. Hopefully we will be able to secure venues in other provinces too.
“We want women to leave unburdened. We tackle topics that the church does not want to talk about such sex, marriage after divorce or even raising stepchildren. There is also a segment for single women before they get married, to know that there are things you have to have figured out personally before you commit yourself to someone else for a lifetime.”
The 10-year celebration will be at Abundant Faith Christian Center in Roodepoort on 29 April.
