She has not put pen to paper in over five years. It is something that she missed doing but did not put herself under pressure because of it.
She knew that the time to get back to writing her songs and into studio would come.
The time came and now Brenda Mtambo is releasing her album called Sane on 12 May.
Speaking to Drum while doing her make-up on the morning of the album release, she says the name of the album describes how she felt when she was recording the album.
“Basically, it comes from just how I felt when I was recording the music, what the album brought in my life considering that we were coming from covid, and I was struggling with anxiety so I needed something that can work in me to help me navigate life better and I feel like this music did that for me.”
The afro-soul musician adds that “It gave me some sense of hope and joy and purpose. It brought me back to life.”
She hopes that the album is received just as it was composed – to restore sanity in one's life.
From all the songs in the album, ‘Awuwedwa’ is the one that which she was most present in pouring her heart out.
“There is a song called Awuwedwa (meaning ‘you’re not alone’). When I wrote the song, I feel like my emotions were really on my sleeve, so I was fully present and expressive in whatever I was feeling at that moment,” she says.
Read More | Musician Brenda Mtambo allegedly receives threats after disagreeing with a church pastor
Anxious, scared and overly exhausted emotionally are the feelings that she was going through during this process. She was barely thinking.
“I did not want to sugarcoat anything. I was feeling like the world is on my shoulders, I was feeling overwhelmed by everything.”
This song is not the only one though which she did not even write lyrics for because she allowed her heart to do the singing.
After the passing of her mother in 2020 and the Covid-19 outbreak which forced everyone to be indoors with their thoughts, Brenda was diagnosed with chronic anxiety.
Ever since her diagnosis, Brenda has been on treatment. Before Covid, she did not even know that she had anxiety. It was only when everything was at a stand-still and she was at home, doing nothing that it became clear.
“My mind was working overtime. I remember I was rushed to hospital because I couldn’t breathe but I was not aware of what was causing that until they told me that ‘you don’t have covid, you don’t have anything, you just had a panic attack’.”
Acknowledging that her mother’s passing contributed greatly to the attack, she admits that she was not functioning properly.
Now with all the understanding about the mental disorder, she has gotten to not only accept it but embrace it.
“I have chronic anxiety meaning I don’t have to be dealing with anything to have anxiety in my case. I could be having a million rands in my bank and I would feel the anxiety,” she explains.
In the very same year of turmoil, she released a song called Khululeka through which she let her supporters in on her healing journey. What they might have not known though is that the song was not written by her as her creative juices had carried the toll of her ill-health.
She tells Drum that there is a guy from New York with whom she met virtually regularly to put the song together.
“Khululeka came as a way of healing myself and then I asked someone to write Khululeka for me because I was not in a state to create anything.”
Read More | Brenda Mtambo on being solo
Although she was not entirely away from the music scene as she was still performing at gigs when she was booked, the musician was “emotionally and mentally blocked to create” and that is why she is only releasing her third album seven years after her second.
Being self-aware, she did not pressure herself. She didn’t want to just make music for the sake of it but wanted it to have substantial weight.
The ‘I love you’ singer returned to studio when her therapist suggested that doing what she loves the most would help with her healing and recovery.
It proved to be the best way to heal for Brenda because as soon as she went into studio, she felt like herself again.
“When I was in studio, I would feel like all my juices were coming in. I felt really alive. I was like, ‘there’s that feeling again, the feeling of fulfillment, sanity. That’s where ‘sane came in’.
“I feel like myself again” would be the line she says often to people who were in studio with her.
With all the misinformation and ill-guidance on mental health, the former Joyous Celebration member says that black people are not educated enough when it comes to mental health and that is the crack from which problems emerge.
“We need to really take care of our mental state, first of all. When that part is secured, then if you have a [spiritual] gift, then have the gift but we cannot resort to traditional stuff when the problem is in your head.”
