When people get married, part of their vows may include “in sickness and in health, till death do us part”. And even as they say that, they are more focused on the health and forever part of the vows.
But no one counts on the death part coming soon before they have lived, made memories, had children and have grown old together.
AmaZulu Football Club’s striker Bonginkosi Ntuli died less than two months after he married.
He married the love of his life, the club's Chief Executive Officer, Sinenjabulo Zungu, on 10 September is a lavish white wedding in Kwa Zulu Natal. They had a traditional wedding in May. They planned to go to the Maldives and later to Europe for their honeymoon.
The club revealed that Bonginkosi was recently diagnosed with an “aggressive cancer”.
It was reported that Bonginkosi was rushed to hospital a little over a month ago after complaining about chest pains ahead of a league game against Polokwane City.
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“It is with a very heavy heart that we inform you of the untimely passing of our beloved centre-forward and loyal servant, Bonginkosi Ntuli.
“Ntuli was (very recently) diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, which metastasized and ultimately led to his death at the Midlands Medical Centre Private Hospital, in Pietermaritzburg this afternoon (Sunday),” the club’s statement says in part.
In the recent past, there have been other women who have lost their spouses soon after getting married.
Actress Simz Ngema’s husband Dumi Masilela died two months after they got married. He was killed in a botched carjacking.
Former Our Perfect Wedding presenter Kayise Ngqula’s husband died ten months after they got married. They were involved in a car accident. Her husband, Farai Sibanda succumbed to his injuries while Kayise was left badly injured.
Drums talks to Unisa’s Dr Joshua Ndlela, a student counsellor who is also in private practice and he says everyone grieves differently.
“Whether it’s a month or years, grief is still grief. Grief has to do with the emotional attachment people have with the deceased. The stronger the connection, the more grief stricken a person can be.
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“The process remains the same in terms of all the stages of grief, particularly the bargaining.”
Dr Ndlela says the plans people had can cause more pain.
“People can even have feelings of guilt because of unfulfilled plans. Guilt that they get to live, without the other partner.”
He adds that people can still celebrate their anniversaries even though their partners have died.
“Any event that is celebrated is done so because the person meant something to them. You can still celebrate the anniversary without the spouse being there.
“This can be to remember what the person meant to you. Remembering is part of the healing process. It also means you are not diminishing the feelings you have, even if they are painful ones.”
