There’s nothing better than falling in love for the first time.
Knowing your crush is as crazy about you as you are about them can be the most thrilling feeling in the world.
Kissing them for the first time feels like heaven, and going to second base is a heady, intoxicating thrill.
This was the feeling Lerato Moloi* had when she fell in love with the father of her child.
But they are both just teens and never planned to become parents.
Like all teenage girls, the 17-year-old had dreams.
She wanted to finish high school and go to university so she could build a better life for herself. But her dreams were shattered when she became pregnant at the age of 15.
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She grew up with a strict aunt who always told her not to rush into things like dating and having sex, but because Lerato wanted to be cool with her friends, she had sex to fit in. She now wishes she’d listened to her aunt and waited for the right time because her life isn’t what she’d hoped it would be – she is now a single parent.
Lerato is far from alone. “Every year, an estimated 21 million girls aged 15-19 years in developing regions become pregnant and approximately 12 million of them give birth,” according to the World Health Organisation.
Last year, Stats SA revealed that 90 037 girls aged 10 to 19 gave birth from March 2021 to April 2022.
While child abuse and GBV are one of the greatest contributing factors to these shocking statistics, research also shows it’s common for teens to feel pressured into doing things they aren’t comfortable with, including early sexual debut, then later regret giving in.
“You may regret breaking your virginity with the wrong person – maybe you had expectations they would be your life partner – or you may regret it if you later realise you weren’t ready,” says Jennifer Papers, a counselling social worker at Families South Africa (Famsa).
There is also the heartbreak which may follow if the initial sparks aren’t enough to sustain the relationship.
“You’re more vulnerable once you’ve committed to someone who might not be as committed to you,” says Brenda Brenda Moletsane, a community worker and facilitator at The Family Life Centre.
“This can lead to heartbreak and depression.”
THE PUSH FACTORS
The reasons behind why children start being sexually active too early vary, says Brenda.
“These reasons include risk-taking behaviour, thinking they’re in love, media and social media influence, pressure from a partner, peer pressure to be cool and belong, and seeking attention.”
The government suggests a lack of education and parents viewing sexual intercourse as a taboo subject are also major contributing factors to teenage pregnancy.
Consent is always essential before sexual intercourse, but what many teens do not realise is that even peer pressure to lose their ‘virginity’ clouds their judgment when considering whether to consent to engaging in sex.
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“Don’t be pressured into losing your virginity for whatever reason – be it peer pressure, the need for love or the promise of being in a relationship,” says Jennifer.
“The right time is when you’re ready. It’s a personal decision. You must be emotionally mature enough to handle the consequences of becoming sexually active, so it’s a good idea to delay it as long as possible.”
RISKS AND CONSEQUENCES
Having sex at a young age can also come with some negative psychological effects, says Brenda.
For instance, it can change your image or perception of who you are, especially if you are concealing the fact that you are sexually active.
“This is relevant for both sexes,” the community worker and facilitator adds.
If you are having unprotected sex, there is also the risk of contracting STDs. “You can get infected with STDs and have to live with this for the rest of your life, long after you’ve broken up with your girlfriend or boyfriend.”
These include herpes, chlamydia, genital warts (caused by human papillomavirus or HPV), gonorrhoea, syphilis, and HIV. pregnancy
“This will change your life on every level as you will be responsible for raising a child,” says Brenda. “It can even lead to you dropping out of school which will affect your future.”
PROTECTING YOURSELF
Experts agree it’s vital you equip yourself with enough knowledge to handle the experience.
“Before teenagers can even start thinking about having sex and losing their virginity, they should learn how to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases and also be aware of all the birth control options open to them,” Jennifer says.
And on an emotional level, you should be able to trust the person you’re becoming sexually active with and ensure you’re in a committed relationship. “The person you decide to lose your virginity to, should be someone whom you love and trust,” she adds.
“This shouldn’t be one-sided – the other person should be in love with you. And both parties must be in an agreement that this is what they both want to do.”
Your partner should be someone you can talk about difficult topics, such as feelings, other relationships or if the person has had a sexually transmitted infection.
*Not her real name
