They call them the dirty thirties and the fab forties with good reason.
It’s a lot of fun, liberating and altogether marvellous getting less young in this day and age – especially for women who are beginning to experience unprecedented success in breaking glass ceilings.
These decades are even more wonderful when, during your 20s, you’ve prepared yourself health-wise, emotionally by practising self-care and psychotherapy or coaching (we all need it!), financially, mjolo-istically and career-wise.
But when, in your 20s, you short-sell yourself in your relationships, adopt unhealthy habits and coping mechanisms to deal with unresolved trauma or undiagnosed mental illness, self-medicate or numb yourself with booze, drugs or retail therapy, and date or befriend people who are toxic, you really are setting yourself up for disaster later in life.
Your youth and vigour will wane as you get less young and, suddenly in your 30s or 40s, all the best decision-making comes back to haunt you in these five common ways:
Mgowo in these decades generally manifests in these 5 ways:
- Being broke and constantly having more month than money;
- Having to constantly borrow from the bank, family or friends when you have an emergency;
- Having lifestyle diseases such as diabetes or hypercholesterolaemia (high cholesterol), hypertension which could lead to stroke or a heart attack;
- Having adult acne, rosacea and/or phuza face;
- Depression (often undiagnosed), low self-esteem and/or high-functioning anxiety.
Although you can’t blame yourself for experiencing some of these problems as some are genetic, medically induced, and/or a result of the environment you live in or caused by hormonal changes, you can try and avert or minimise their impact by adopting these five good habits.
1) SAVE FOR EMERGENCIES
“In today’s uncertain economic climate, having an emergency fund is crucial for financial security,” explains Velmah Nzembela of South African insurance company Assupol.
“Whether facing unexpected medical expenses, home repairs, or job loss, an emergency fund provides a safety net,” says the head of Group Corporate Affairs at Assupol.
“An emergency fund serves as a financial cushion during unforeseen circumstances. It prevents individuals from relying on credit cards or loans, which can lead to high-interest debt.
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“To determine your emergency fund target, consider your monthly expenses, lifestyle, and any potential risks or uncertainties in your life. Financial experts often recommend aiming for three to six months’ worth of living expenses. However, individuals with dependents or irregular income may require a larger fund. Assess your unique circumstances and set a realistic savings goal accordingly.”
Also consider depositing any financial windfalls into your emergency savings account, Velmah advises. “Unplanned income, such as tax refunds, bonuses, or inheritances, present excellent opportunities to bolster your emergency fund.
“Instead of splurging on unnecessary purchases, allocate a significant portion of unexpected funds towards your savings.
You should resist the temptation to dip into that emergency fund for frivolous spending or luxuries, adds Velmah. “Once you've built your emergency fund, it’s crucial to preserve its value. Only dip into it for true emergencies, not for discretionary expenses. If you must use it, aim to replenish the withdrawn amount as soon as possible.
“Regularly assess your fund’s adequacy based on changes in expenses, income, or life circumstances, and adjust your savings accordingly.”
2) STAYING IN ONE JOB FOR TOO LONG
When you think of the current interest rate environment, high cost of living and the fact that many salaries are not growing at the same rate as inflation, sometimes what you need is not a secure job with a nominal salary increase.
You need a new job with a bigger salary than your current employer may be willing to give you – even after your loyalty and long-service awards. This is called working the market, which might sound cynical, but in a capitalist society, you need to sometimes think in these terms as the labour you provide is only as valuable as what employers are willing to pay you for it.
Perceptions around job hopping are changing fast, thanks to experts in recruitment, career and money coaching, and human capital changing their view of what a CV littered with short stints at a plethora of companies means about a job candidate.
“In the 1970s, job hopping was likened to vagrancy and branded ‘Hobo Syndrome’ by industrial psychologists,” according to BBC’s Worklife.
There’s been a notable generational shift in thinking about this idea of ‘job hopping’ that’s had negative connotations for decades.
“Recently, job hopping – which [Christopher Lake, assistant professor of management at the University of Alaska Anchorage, US] defines as switching roles once a year – has flourished, with younger workers driving much of this movement,” the publication notes.
“Moving to a new job can be a faster and easier way to progress to the next level in a career,” Lauren Thomas, European economist at company-reviews website Glassdoor is quoted as saying.
“Job hopping is one of the easiest ways to gain a significant salary increase,” says Thomas.
3) EATING JUNK, DRINKING TOO MUCH AND NOT EXERCISING
The most common lifestyle diseases in SA are diabetes, hypercholesterolaemia (high cholesterol) and hypertension which could lead to stroke or a heart attack.
“The reality is that South Africans consume too much sugar, salt, bad fats, alcohol and tobacco and don’t get quality sleep and sufficient exercise. The choices we make may lead to obesity, diabetes and heart disease,” warns Professor Pamela Naidoo, CEO of the Heart and Stroke Foundation.
These lifestyle choices which we often make in our 20s leave us broken in our 30s as we attempt to change our lifestyles after years of battering and abusing our physical health.
As a result, in SA, an average of 10 adults suffer from a stroke every hour and 225 people die from either heart disease or a stroke every day, according to the Heart and Stroke Foundation South Africa (HSFSA). But the demographics are getting younger and younger. These diseases are no longer for “older people”.
Strokes among young people are much more common than is realised, especially given the obesity rates in SA, Dr De Vries Basson, head of internal medicine at Karl Bremer Hospital in Parow, Western Cape, tells Drum’s sister publication, City Press.
“Health reports indicate that between 10% and 15% of strokes occur in people between the ages of 18 and 50. The reports show that about one in four people [are born with] small holes in the two atria of the heart, but are typically not screened, so most of them don’t know they have [this condition],” clinical psychologist Anele Siswana is quoted as saying.
4) NOT INVESTING IN SKINCARE PRODUCTS WITH THE VITAMINS AND MINERALS YOU NEED
There was a time when what informed our skincare routines was the oily, dry or combination skin labelling.
But advances in medical science and technology; a growing focus on more natural products, and an inward-outward approach to dermatology as well as innovative product development have made us more aware that vitamins and minerals are the foundation of good skincare.
This shift in approach is what has given rise to the popularity of trends such as #SkinCycling and #Skinimalism on social media platforms such as TikTok and Pinterest. Nowadays, it’s all about a pared-back approach to your morning and night-time regimens.
“Using too many skincare products can strip the skin of its natural oils and exacerbate these issues,” explains Clere Gly-Co-Oil brand manager Themba Ndlovu.
“By using minimal products, each with multiple benefits, you can help to nourish and protect your skin without overwhelming it.”
“Healthy skin starts with proper nutrition and a well-rounded skincare routine,” explains marketing manager for skincare brand Vitaderm, Ruan Winter.
When checking the ingredients list on a skincare product, Ruan suggests ensuring it contains some or all of these vitamins:
- Vitamin A
“This vitamin aids in repairing and rejuvenating the skin, reducing dryness, and improving texture.”
- How to get more of it:
“Incorporate foods rich in vitamin A such as sweet potatoes, carrots, spinach, and kale into your diet,” says Ruan.
“Consider using skincare products that contain retinoids or retinol, which are derivatives of vitamin A known for their anti-ageing and skin-renewing properties,” he adds.
- B Vitamins
“B vitamins, including Biotin (B7), Niacin (B3), and Riboflavin (B2), are essential for maintaining healthy skin.
“Biotin supports the production of fatty acids, crucial for maintaining a strong skin barrier and preventing moisture loss.
“Niacin helps improve skin hydration and reduces redness, while Riboflavin aids in the repair and regeneration of skin cells.”
- How to get more of them:
“Incorporate B vitamin-rich foods such as whole grains, eggs, legumes, and leafy greens into your diet or consider taking a B-complex supplement.”
- Vitamin C
“Vitamin C is an antioxidant powerhouse that helps to protect the skin from environmental damage, including harsh winter conditions. It supports collagen synthesis, which helps maintain skin elasticity and firmness,” Ruan explains.
“Furthermore, vitamin C brightens the complexion and reduces the appearance of dark spots and uneven skin tone.”
- How to get more of it:
“Increase your intake of citrus fruits, berries, leafy greens, and bell peppers. Apply a vitamin C serum topically.”
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- Vitamin D
“Vitamin D plays a vital role in regulating cell growth and promoting a healthy immune system. Adequate levels of vitamin D are associated with reduced inflammation and improved skin conditions such as eczema and psoriasis.”
- How to get more of it:
“While sunlight is the primary source of vitamin D, you can also obtain it from fatty fish, fortified dairy products, and supplements. Consult with your healthcare provider to determine if vitamin D supplementation is necessary for you.”
- Vitamin E
“Vitamin E is a potent antioxidant that nourishes and protects the skin from oxidative stress caused by free radicals,” says Ruan. “It helps to strengthen the skin barrier, locking in moisture and preventing water loss. This vitamin is particularly beneficial for dry and sensitive skin during the winter months.”
- How to get more of it:
“Incorporate vitamin E-rich foods like almonds, sunflower seeds, avocados, and spinach into your diet. You can also find vitamin E in various skincare products, including moisturisers and serums.”
5) DATING THE SAME TYPE OF TOXIC PERSON OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He or she may not be the same person.
But they are the same person – when you start looking at your dating history.
Narcissistic, emotionally absent, co-dependent, controlling, abusive (emotionally and/or physically), an incorrigible cheat or a deadbeat. He or she can be one or a few of these things.
In many cases, these partners are not even aware of how toxic they are or, if they are aware, have never sought psychotherapy or any type of help to assist them in unpacking why they behave in the way they do. Most importantly, you need to make sure that you prioritise your mental wellness above everything else by getting the help you need in order to STOP perpetuating the same mistakes over and over again.
One of the common issues of contention in relationships is money. Either someone is threatened or controlled by the partner who has a lot of it or the one who has little to no money feels entitled to other party’s money or is resentful about earning less.
Before you even consider moving in with him/her, consider the dissipation of economies of scale, advises financial expert Kirsten Smit.
“Many costs double up as you are essentially now dealing with two homes rather than one – not just physically but also in terms of other investments, expenses and liabilities,” explains the advisory partner at Sandton-headquartered wealth management specialists’ firm Citadel.
“Economies of scale across investments and purchases dissipate and this dissipation can lead to one or both parties becoming over-indebted if their finances are not managed carefully.
“It’s important to factor in that both partners need to have independent credit records and can’t rely on one partner to obtain or secure leverage and debt for both parties,” Kirsten emphasises.
“In cases where a couple was previously married within community of property, the debt incurred by the one partner may have an impact on the other partner,” she adds.
“These issues need to be managed and disentangled carefully with the help of a financial advisor, legal advisor or mediator.”
