“If he can’t provide, I don’t need another child in my house.”
These were the words of one woman in one of our Heartlines research focus groups. These words, and other belittling terms such as “umahlalela”, affect a father’s mental health, dignity and self-esteem.
What does it mean to be a father? In Mzansi, we see a father’s worth through the eyes of money.
In these tough economic times, that view has to change.
Undoubtedly, the economy is harsher towards black women.
But society’s perception of an unemployed man is far more judgmental than of a woman.
The definition of what a father is can change.
Fathers who love their kids take pleasure in watching them play; it’s not just about who is giving money or how much he has.
Yes, money pays the bills but a father’s loving presence is a huge contributor to raising a healthy child.
Mothers can facilitate access to children, especially when fathers are not able to contribute financially.
Fathers also have to gather the confidence to be present, even during trying times. Being a father requires showing up.
When you punish a father for his apparent laziness by denying access to his child, all because he can’t provide, it’s the child who suffers.
- Dr Garth Japhet,
Nkosinathi Sixabayi and Olefile Masangane
Heartlines, Joburg
