I've always maintained that insecurity is worst security.
Instead of it protecting and preserving your relationship, it can drive the biggest wedge in your relationship that can stretch from here to the Maldives.
We all have our relationship insecurities, but non more prevalent than constantly checking up on our partner's phone.
BankMyCell conducted a recent survey of 1 663 people aged 18-35 to visualise the phone snooping phenomenon.
The stats revealed that 68% of men snooped on their partner’s phone, compared to 47% of women.
38% of men phone snoop without permission, compared to 24% of women.
Furthermore, 9 out of 10 women are happy to let their partner look through their phone if they asked and 5 out of 6 men are comfortable letting their partner look through their phone.
The numbers indicate a greater distrust between partners when it comes to their mobile phones.
According to therapist Samantha Rodman, these are the three reasons she provides for partners to not check on each other's phones:
1. It makes you into someone you don’t want to be
Nobody likes the person that they become when they are consumed with waiting for their partner to go to the bathroom so they can pounce on their phone and quickly scroll through texts. Most people want to feel like they are honest people with integrity and self-respect. Nothing is a bigger hit to your self-esteem than snooping around, feeling like you’re a criminal, trying to get information that you know isn’t rightfully yours.
2. It sabotages closeness
Many relationships never bounce back after one partner confesses to snooping on the other. Even if it turns out that your partner was in fact flirting with someone else, your sneaky behaviour often cancels out their flirtation and you lose the moral high ground in your argument. It is very hard for anyone to trust someone who they now realise was going through their private messages, looking for evidence of their misbehaviour. This lack of trust may be just as hard to forgive, in many ways, as an uncovered flirtation.
3. It puts you in a weaker positionWhen one person snoops on another, it creates an unhealthy power dynamic. When you’re in a position where you feel empowered, you simply don’t sneak around and spy on others. You live your life without worrying about what other people are doing. But if you become fixated on what your partner is doing rather than what you yourself are doing, you are effectively disavowing your own power and giving it away. This is not a healthy long-term dynamic.
So what is the moral of the story?
"Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it."