IF you’ve ever been cheated on, your first question was probably: why?
Likewise, if you’ve been the one who’s stepped out on the relationship, your partner probably asked, or wondered, the same.
New research sheds light on the motivations behind cheating.
Published in The Journal of Sex Research, 495 young adults were asked about their cheating past on an internet-based questionnaire.
The findings?
For the most part, the responses confirmed what science already knew: people cheat because they’re dissatisfied with the relationship, feel neglected, are angry, or have the hots for someone else.
Why does this matter?
Well, it means cheating is more than just about the love (or lack thereof) between a couple.
It might be more about how the cheater feels about themselves or what type of not-so-good situation they got themselves into.
“It’d be a mistake to conclude all affairs – and infidelity-related behaviours – result from deficits in the primary relationship,” the authors write.
So what other factors make a difference? People who were less conscientious were more likely to cheat, as were those who had insecure attachment.
Feeling insecure in a relationship is a recipe for unhappiness and feeling less satisfied or committed pushes you to seek reassurance elsewhere.
What’s more, people who avoid closeness tend to step out to boost their self-esteem.
The researchers also found that all the typical reasons you hear about why men and women are likely to cheat are true.
Men are in it for the sexual desire. Women step out as they feel their needs haven’t been met.
Talk to your partner.
It’s the only way to understand if there’s a hole in the relationship worth repairing – or not.
It’s a hard – and awkward – conversation, sure, but it’s one that needs to happen.
