6 months ago
South African journalist and television presenter Kuli Roberts. Photo: Gallo Images/The times/Daniel Born  ~ 

NOBODY appreciates a liar.

Even with the best intention, it’s always better to shut up if you’re planning to lie and change people’s reality.

I was once accused of sleeping with a married man by a known philanderer.

It was annoying and insulting.

Why doesn’t anybody think about the accused’s taste? Damn it. Don’t lie.

If you’ve been raped it’s crucial to speak up, seek help and stop lying to yourself.

Don’t try to convince yourself that you will be fine, when this isn’t normal.

Telling fibs about your possessions on social media is also a big no-no.

Especially when you don’t own them and your mother’s house is falling apart.

Don’t lie during sex. Sex is a dance, so dance.

Don’t just lie there.

What you need to do is give and receive, give and receive! Never be stationary, but receive him and let the sparks run through your veins before you scream.

No matter how desperate you get for attention, never ever lie about sexual assault, as we have enough men languishing in jail because of lying vengeful women.

A tip for men: if your 40-year-old penis resembles a toddler’s wee willy, don’t fret.

Master the art of oral sex and size won’t matter. Eat her like a mango! Make life simple.

Ladies, it’s always advisable to fake your orgasm if it means avoiding an argument.

If your man loves six rounds of sex in one night, fake them.

As soon as his breathing becomes frantic, wait for his rhythm and join him.

Then scream, and he’ll have no idea that you’re wondering if you turned off the stove.

Honestly, sometimes a juicy white lie is harmless.

Look busy when you lie because sometimes a white lie can save you from a dangerous or awkward situation.

If he wants to know if he has a big penis, lie and say it’s the biggest.

Your mother-in-law’s food is vile and she’s aware you know this, but continue pretending you love it.

We all know we won’t stop telling white lies, although a responsible human is honour-bound to be honest.

But it’s okay to compliment the emperor on his new coat, or the starlet who will take honesty for jealousy.

Lie to your boss and tell him he has lost weight, even if you can hear his chafing thighs in a rain storm.

Remember, nothing’s wrong with lying about the number of shoes you own.

To lie or not to lie? That decision boils down to this: so long as no human being will be hurt by the falsehood, just lie your wicked little heart out! 

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