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SLAY QUEENS TURNING SA UPSIDE DOWN!

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South African journalist and television presenter Kuli Roberts. Photo: Gallo Images/The Times/Daniel Born
South African journalist and television presenter Kuli Roberts. Photo: Gallo Images/The Times/Daniel Born

I am not sure if it’s the end of world, but when did people start having threesomes and posting them on social media?

Were your parents having threesomes in the 80’s? Also, what are the aged doing exposing rolls and posting their liaisons with married people? Is it a discipline thing? 

Well, with parents like these, I was hardly shocked to hear that some of your daughters travel all the way to Dubai for sexual transactions.

Yes, your babies are taking cakes to the desert and it’s ugly. I was reading a conversation in which a young girl was confirming that her friend would accompany her on the next trip on some sheik’s request. Of course, pictures were sent.

No price was fixed, but the sheik had a long list of particularly detailed demands and set out daring conditions only a very desperate slay queen would adhere to.

This is what lazy girls with low self-esteem usually put up with.

What’s happening in this beloved country?

If it’s not geriatrics forcing down unsavoury nudes of threesomes, it’s your young getting into sadistic trouble in Dubai for around R300 000, nogal.

Can you women parent instead of benefiting from trips to Dubai?

Well, this is futile because we know folk from Mdantsane won’t stop their threesomes, nor will your daughters stop humiliating themselves to support you.

So, below are some tips to ensure you are in shock alone when you get shot by an angry spouse or are imprisoned in Dubai.

 The pictures circulating on social media of an ex-BMF CEO will be on the net for eternity, will be redistributed at will and be seen by his grandkids.

 Leave your phone in the car if you are about to have any kind of sex, especially if you are the type who can’t believe they are getting laid.

Write your will if you are off to Dubai for sex, in case you don’t return.

No one is jealous of your fast-cash lifestyle or its consequences, just ensure you understand that you are in a strict country, where a woman faces adultery charges if she’s raped, unless she can provide male witnesses to the attack.

Look people, we need Jesus.

Let’s close Mzansi for a day and discuss the impact of fast-living, as Sodom and Gomorrah seemed dull, compared to you and your mothers.

So mothers: chill, and parent.

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