Last year
Never ever negotiate with abuse

My mate was telling me about hearing cries from a neighbour at 4am. 

“Why are you hitting me? Why are you hitting me?” was what she heard. 

My friend was horrified, going on about being traumatised by additional cries from a toddler who was clearly caught in some domestic violence. 

Why would a woman ask a man to provide a reason for abhorrent behaviour –  as if a reason would lessen the pain or excuse the abuse. 

Or is her question an attempt to dissect the violence and understand the act? 

She should have said “stop!” and walked out. 

Why do some women say they stay in abusive relationships “to protect the children”? 

Yes, your son is affected by the violence in your home. 

He’ll probably be prone to violence himself, thanks to the environment you didn’t remove him from. 

Why do some women claim it’s not easy to leave the abusive husband when they know where the door is? 

Are they there to ensure their children become witnesses to continuous rape, tears and swollen faces? 

Maybe sarcasm, violence and long periods of ignoring each other in the presence of your children is exactly what paediatricians recommend for a stronger immune system? Ha! 

Do women who are physically abused stay because teeth can be replaced or because he always buys a wig to hide the hair he pulled out the last time he pushed her against a wall? 

Is the taste of blood that interesting or is concussion the latest trend? 

Those are the questions. 

And here’s the answer: Nobody should ever accept any kind of abuse. 

Some women are called “enablers” because they stay when they shouldn’t. 

They shouldn’t do it for the community, the church or the fans – as if the aim of life is to appease all and sundry. 

Life is not about making excuses for domestic abusers. 

It’s about you never ever tolerating any abuse. Because that’s not love – in fact, it’s the exact opposite. 

Don’t negotiate violence, just say no, because you know where the door is. 

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