10 months ago
South African journalist and television presenter Kuli Roberts. Photo: Gallo Images/The times/Daniel Born  ~ 

I READ about some dog of a woman enquiring whether DJ Zinhle would be visiting her boyfriend in jail.

Folk should mind their business, really.

Would I visit my own man if he ended up incarcerated or awaiting a trial date? 

Would he visit me in jail if I got up to no good? I hope so.

I figured I would visit – in disguise – as a prison visit is a new experience.

I don’t understand this continuous condemnation of hot folk by dogs.

Continuous condemnation of sinners by sinners, who are ready to “cast the first stone”.

Is it not human to err?

Besides, good-looking men with potential to breed great genetic specimens should be given lesser sentences for obvious reasons.

I would visit my man if he were in jail, and I’d visit him looking hot, in the hope it would humiliate him, make him curb his criminal tendencies for the sake of his face.

I would visit him in jail because it’s the best place for your man – as you always know where he is.

Visit your jailbird, because you know the skanks who urge you to dump him are waiting to replace you in the visiting room.

It really is simple.

Standing by her man is the only solution a woman has.

Visits keep away the vultures and keep you looking forward to the day when he gets out.

But you cannot be expected to visit your man in jail without another one waiting for you at home.

Unless you’re taking on a dare or trying to prove a point.

Would he get a lover if you were jailed?

Twice on Tuesdays! So ladies, visit your man boo-boo thang – as this will pass!

Look at Jub Jub, who even got married after years behind bars.

Jail is great for knocking some sense into hot men!

Your jailbird will get a great body, as prison facilities rock.

Three meals a day provided by Correctional Services will ensure your boo never starves, and you are guaranteed it’s not some lecherous matriculant he’s is sleeping with.

Your man, prone to criminal behaviour, will make friends in jail and get a degree.

And you’re guaranteed he’s not whoring – as you’re looking after his phones for him!

Folk will judge you, while you visit in disguise.

But ignore those attention-seeking unattractive individuals and live your life.

It’s human to err and rehabilitation helps, so ignore nasty comments about your inmate.

While he’s in jail go, through all his things: phones, iPad, etc. Not because you’re deceitful but because you’re not in jail and have access to all his intimate gadgets.

And boo, do go and visit your man in jail – get your lover to drive you there.

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