6 months ago
South African journalist and television presenter Kuli Roberts. Photo: Gallo Images/The times/Daniel Born  ~ 

WHETHER it was apartheid, poverty or the Cold War that instilled violence in our men, it must stop.

The savagery that still happens has to stop if Mzansi is to progress.

So, let me bring you up to speed on what’s appropriate behaviour in 2017 going forward.

And these tips are for men.

  • Never ever lay your hand on anyone, regardless of what they say to you. You are an adult. You can’t blame provocation for your violent behaviour because, say it Mr: “I’m not an animal.”
  • Respect all women. All women, the same way I hope you respect your mum.
  • Instead of violence, find a solution to whatever triggers it because, really, folk could go to your mum’s house, drag her outside by the hair and piss on her while throwing dog faeces on her face. Sound barbaric? That’s how the young lady felt when she was being beaten up at club Cubana last week.
  • Stop drinking booze if it turns you into a monster who beats up children.
  • Be a gentleman. Be like Robert Marawa, not Mduduzi Manana. Be a regular educated fantastic guy who doesn’t abuse women.
  • Avoid drama. It’s 2017 and you’re a man. Not a boy. If you must wear foundation, ensure it doesn’t transfer onto my clothing when you hug me.
  • Don’t flirt with my man nor lie about sleeping with him, that’s as tired as folk refusing to leave the closet.
  • Respect your wife. Yes, we know you have new money and can’t believe it. But respect the home and have discretion. It doesn’t matter that you’re screwing the entire ADT board, ensure your family is protected. You’re a man.
  • Crotch-grabbing is still a no-no. We don’t like seeing men grabbing and stroking their balls. It’s gross.
  • Women don’t want cheap men, who won’t buy flowers or gifts. So, cheap men, please don’t ask women out if you’re unwilling to make them feel special. No one cares about your wealth if you aren’t sharing it.
  • Sort out any erectile problems you may have.
  • Watch your halitosis and replace all the missing side teeth in your mouth. And don’t talk about waking up with a boner, it’s childish.
  • Look Manana, between now and September, attempt to be more like the sexy Chief Mogoeng Mogoeng – clean, calm and gentle. And stop wearing that 
    CHANEL brooch. It’s ludicrous. You’re an education minister, not a stylist taking part in Pride.

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Cyril Ramaphosa was sworn in as Mzansi’s president last week. Should he reshuffle the cabinet before the budget speech on Wednesday?