9 months ago
South African journalist and television presenter Kuli Roberts. Photo: Gallo Images/The times/Daniel Born  ~ 

MY friend was telling me how she kept her husband at home last weekend – by ensuring the house keys were safely stored in her bra! 

She tells me he abandons the family every Friday evening “to go to his whores”, only to arrive home in the early hours of Monday morning. She’s had enough! 

Wow! Talk about being a jail warden.

Whatever happened to “till death do us part”?

Why can’t we be simple?

Why lock up your husband in your home, instead of communicating with him – and maybe joining him at the club.

I mean, easy lives are accessible. But no, folks thrive on drama.

Anyhow, I’m in Rome and really not interested in folk who hate each other but stay together.

But there are many other things that piss me off about humans, come to think of it. 

In Rome, Italy, I hate the fact that some Bangladeshi national keeps begging or forcing us to buy roses everywhere we go.

I hate the fact that there are no public toilets, and that you have to pay to use the ones at stations.

Who carries coins? 

Heck! One can’t even consider a quickie in the toilet before lunch. 

I also hate that I’ve come all the way from Africa to Rome, only to have Senegalese men offer me free Rastafarian bracelets.

It’s as bizarre as me one day deciding to hand out rosaries in Sandton.

I also think Koreans, Mexicans, Americans, Germans and the Swiss should visit Rome in winter, as they are much closer and the long lines are  ridiculous.

Let us visit in Spring. 

Heck, tourism is brilliant for Rome. The country’s incredibly stunning – even though the vulgarity of opulence by the Catholic church is alarming, considering famines and droughts around the world.

So, here are things to remember when travelling:

  • Whether at home or abroad, keep the peace, because drama simply sucks.
  • Be patient and respect the rules.
  • Avoid expensive hotels and get Airbnb.
  • Use the efficient and affordable public transport, it’s fast even if you might not get a seat.
  • Don’t litter as Italians litter enough.
  • Have fun and be yourself.
  • Don’t take abuse from any Bangladeshi. 
  • Oh! And lastly, do bring your own man, as Italian men resemble Danny DeVito, Robert De Niro and king Neptune, the Roman god of the sea.

Damn! I miss Mogoeng Mogoeng.

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