S OMETHING stinks horribly at the once-revered and celebrated MetroFM.

So explosive is the reek, it can blow up your nostrils.

I’d like to declare: It’s Where The Junk is At!

Even veteran Dineo Ranaka is failing dismally to hold it down. So too is Somizi “Somgaga” Mhlongo, despite his colourful language and rare wit.

Together with Lerato Kganyago, they host The Bridge from 9am to 12 noon weekdays.

Before going any further, why would anyone call a radio show, The Bridge?

Admittedly, I only started listening to the show this past week. So maybe, there’s an explanation.

But still it sounds like some movie or book title. Then, the content doesn’t provide you with any bridge to anywhere.

It’s hot air, waya waya!

They limp from one hour to the next, eager to entertain, and come up short each time.

All three so-called celebs, who are well-loved and respected in many quarters, have failed me.

Somgaga might be a hit in Idols SA, but here he huffs and puffs. Maybe, he should stick to TV.

As for Dineo, maybe she needs to get a laid back matured show, or coach netball, who knows?

Sometimes, she would be alone in the studio before the duo arrives and would only play songs and talk a little.

You can tell she’s exhausted.

For the week I was listening in, I couldn’t ascertain Lerato’s role in that slot.

Maybe, they have weeks when they delegate. I don’t know. Or maybe, they need better producers to give the show some va-va-voom.

Because these are unique brands and have made it in this cut-throat industry, and are influencers, I expected to be blown away.

But I got my ears tortured.

No one said radio is easy. But this trio can mess up making a cup of coffee. They’ve even murdered Queen B’s reputable Ask A Man segment, so I’m told. She should sue their pants off.

For the life of me, Somgaga plays relationship expert. I listened, with horror, the other day when he went on with an anonymous caller, some 22-year-old, who dated a man old enough to be her dad, at least by the sound of it.

From what I could gather, it was a case of “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” and she blew the whistle on his wife and the family.

She claims the guy is now a mess and wanted to know if she should apologise.

Somgaga had none of it and told her to keep the apology to herself.

Now, I don’t know whether this was staged or not and meant to entertain. That’s the thing with this segment, every caller is anonymous, at least for the week I’ve been listening in.

It got me thinking, though.

If these guys are serious, why not rope in a professional?

My colleague tells me Queen B used to get her buddies as experts.

Well, I disagree with her too, unless if it’s done proper but I have no benefit of that.

There are other topics too, which I found trivial. You can be trivial, but do it right and in a humorous way.

Something these presenters don’t possess.

Oh, and they have this other segment every morning during which they get listeners to guess which presenters chose which song played. Mxm.

Some big shot guy or lady but mostly guy who occupies a very important office get to decide Somgaga, Ranaka and Lerato have got this for The Bridge, like a president reshuffling his cabinet.

Me thinks this calls for a shake-up.

Metro needs to get back to its former glory. It’s a shame that a station with such a rich history has degenerated into some kind of kindergarten community radio station.