ANALYSIS | The Met Gala through the eyes of someone who could care less

So the Hunger Games Reaping Ball was… sorry the Met Gala was held yesterday, and everyone is posting about who ate and what worked and what didn’t.

Doja Cat pulled up in a bath towel because trying hard to look like she didn’t try is what she excels at.

Kim Kardashian looks like what she was wearing was suffocating her slowly like a boa constrictor that tightens with every move its entrapped prey makes.

I don’t really get it; the sister couldn’t even walk up the stairs, but this is supposed to be a style event. When has the inability to walk because what you’re wearing is hindering that process been considered stylish?

The theme was “Garden of Time” …what the hell even is that?

Obviously the interpretations varied. I saw a dress with flowers that slowly unfurl which was pretty cool. Rapper Nicki Minaj wore a fruit salad which I guess is because it takes time to make one and fruit comes from the garden.

I have a question.

If walking up stairs in this supposedly lavish garb is hard then what happens when people go to the restroom? Does one require one of those handlers or a assistants to go with you?

Mad stylish, ‘here hold my ridiculously long train from down the hall while these other two unzip me and wait outside the cubicle'.

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I’m just hating shame because I think this event is always stupid. I don’t care if Anna Wintour approves of everyone's outfit along with the food, it’s corny. How did you approve every outfit and yet Lizzo still rocked up looking like something from the Dune films? You didn’t tell that designer that maybe this was not the look?

Donald Glover pulled up wearing just a suit. No brooch, no bedazzling just a suit and a haircut that looks very Jeppe Hostel.

The best dressed men were apparently some K-pop cats and guess what they wore...suits fam. They wore suits. 

Our local pride and joy Tyla came out and embodied the sands of time in a dress by Balmain and used an hour glass as an accessory. The dress resembled sand and cleverly laced make-up on her forearm and shoulder really drove home the concept.  Please understand how badly it pains me to say what I’m about to as Tyla is from my part of the city, and I personally have been rocking with her art since before the limelight shone down on her.

Home girl, Balmain has been around since 1945, started by a white French man by the name of Pierre. Her look is stunning, let’s not get that twisted and standing on the red carpet surrounded by people she looked up to and now sees at eye level must be electrifying. But just like her debut album, South Africa was forgotten.

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To the best of my recollection, I don’t think any local designer has ever dressed anyone for the Met Gala. Here we have a shimmering jewel of talent who once looked me in the eye and said she wanted nothing more than to be a bridge between local artistic expression and the rest of the world and she isn’t wearing MaXhosa or Gert…she’s wearing a French Fashion house who really doesn’t need her clout for anything. Tyla wearing Balmian does more for her than it does for Balmain. 

Just like her debut album, South Africa has been pushed to the back and I find it disappointing, but more disheartening is that local media just lauded her for her look - which is beautiful - but nobody is saying what needs to be.

Why aren’t you wearing someone from here? Why are there no music videos attached to your album shot here? Why did you pull out that big bag of pap from your handbag, why haven’t we seen you anywhere near music producer Kooldrink since you first caught our attention riding one of his beats? It’s disappointing.

Now I do understand that she has business with Balmain through Gap Clothing but in these times where the world hungers for African creativity, an argument couldn't be made to allow an African designer a seat at the table or at least allowances made to lower the exorbitant prices of admission for a local or African designer to get some play? Who better to fight for that than Tyla. Maybe a second look for the evening by an African designer. Is that an absurd outlook? 

Beyond that I just don’t get this annual spectacle, but one can only imagine what the freak-off after parties that go along with this must be like. Also please don't hit me up saying I'm policing women's bodies or any of that woke folk stuff. You can't stand around fire and expect not to sweat, if what you're wearing is pap, best believe I'm not about to say you look great.