4 months ago
GO ON, RIDE BAREBACK BIG DADDY
South African journalist and television presenter Kuli Roberts. Photo: Gallo Images/The times/Daniel Born  ~ 

IT’S very hurtful going out of your way to help people only to discover how ungrateful they are.

So, I’ve decided to stop trying to save women from lecherous men, human traffickers and geriatric blessers.

I’m really tired of insults.

One woman said she was convinced I’m “a lousy lay with no man, hence my negative articles”.

I was shocked, as I’m a great lay.

So, that’s it – this column is full of positive statements and I promise to diss nothing that’s currently popular in our beloved Mzansi.

Here goes! And Sir, why bother using condoms?

You’re not the sickly type, so ride bareback, you sexy beast.

And Big Daddy, don’t confine your condomless sex to your nyatsi.

You’re the man.

Be like Nico Matlala – a taxi driver famous for humiliating female celebrities and emotionally abusing them.

That’s when he’s not telling the world what he’s done for them.

Yes ladies, go ahead and date the kind of man who brags about dumping an ANN7 presenter and bored us about buying groceries and paying DStv for another beauty.

Date men like him, who post clips of themselves counting money in a toilet – as they are the future.

People, you must allow male celebs to have perks.

What if one big name’s wife claimed to be fine after reports that he’d threatened her with a gun.

All marriages go through their ups and downs, right?

Being seen in fancy cars while your mum’s house has no front gate is the only way to encourage her to work harder.

So, never improve your family home, no matter how wealthy you become.

After all, she is the mother and is responsible for herself.

Look people, if you want to stay with a physically abusing, gay, rich husband, then stay.

It’s also advisable that the looting of Mzansi’s resources continue.

We’re used to poverty and open drains.

Let the looters ensure the next generation is impoverished because black people are used to it.

Don’t be alarmed when male celebrities encourage satanism in Bloemfontein, it’s a free country, neh?

Ladies, never forget that a blesser is the best thing for any young girl, who shouldn’t have to work for a living.

Why not let someone else’s husband shower you with gifts, while you give him the explosive sex his dull wife could never master?

So, here’s the thing, hun.

I wish you a happy Woman’s Month – and don’t forget it’s a good time to ignore your bills, children and the wildfire spread of sexually-transmitted diseases.

Go get your acronym!

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